I Can’t Operate on This Failure

I can’t just borrow the words of a song
but she gave me pale shelter
so how can I be sure it means anything at all

cold hands and cold comfort
cold is what you feel in the shadows
of someone who only throws shade
by their hand which reaches out
was it to help me rise
or to give a pat on the head?

Jo had me believe I’d hallucinated my own memories
lit the gas lamp, like the old play
it burned
she helped her
didn’t want to hear it
I’m sure she still wouldn’t
which is fine, I’m through talking

I’m through talking about the most massive loss I’ve ever felt
my true family, the one who never paid lip service
the one always there to truly lift me up
to whom I am forever in her debt
now I’ve fallen
I’m through talking
to someone only concerned with the loss of her human crutch

I’m leaving the pedestal, and honestly, I hope it falls
for her sake and anyone beneath it
her spotlight burns my eyes
and so I turn away

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